China - US - US China ?????

Was happen to read a article at Times : http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/China-flexes-muscle-in-Indian-Ocean-Navy-concerned/articleshow/20032323.cms

First two para interesting ;)

--
NEW DELHI: Increasing presence of the Chinese maritime forces in the Indian Ocean Region (IOR) and disciplinary issues in the force are expected to be discussed by the top Navy brass in their commanders' conference starting on Tuesday. 
--

I was impressed after reading this para that our intelligence can actually spot this into our Indian Ocean Region and they are doing things! However to utter dismay was second para:

--
The Navy has been concerned over the increasing presence of Chinese navy's submarines and other warships in the IOR. In a recent report submitted to the defense ministry, the Integrated Defense Staff headquarters had informed the government quoting the data by American agencies that 22 encounters of Chinese submarines have taken place outside its territorial waters in the IOR. 
--

Should I laugh or cry? Are our agencies so pathetic that we had to rely for American agencies to understand presence of Chinese maritime forces in IOR? Moreover, how Americans knew this? Do they have access to our IOR? Don't this question be asked as well? Or do we blindly trust Americans? I think we have outsourced all this to US :P

This article being in Times, I have started to think that this is definitely BAD Reporting :) or ... Chhi Be. We are definitely marooned. 

भूतदया परमो धर्म:

ये क्या हो रहा है? ये क्या हो रहा है? An Ex-Army man attacked a Convicted Terrorist in high-security Kot Bhalwal Jail in Jammu. This is really really ugly turn of events. Now that Sanaullah bechara, is in Coma. (Now on another note, I wonder, it took 7 days to Sarbajit to get into Coma. And he's in just 12 hours.) Is this our culture? Vinod Kumar from Uttarakhand, who hit him with Bricks and shovels; is from Army! 

That's too bad. What happened to Army? Are they not supposed to follow orders?  अब यार इतनी छोटी छोटी बातोसे ऐसे करोगे तो कैसे होगा? 

Think about your Government. Take inspiration from them. Our PM reacts after 10 days when some poor Chinese hoteliers setup McManchurian. They wake up when Poor Sarabjit is dead. They wake up after 30 years and say Sajjan Bhai is really sajjan and not guilty even though narrow minded fundamentalist people say that they are eyewitness to his crimes. Such things destroys our soft nation image in world yar. Don't you know we are very resilient (by force) in nature? वैसे भी कानूनको हाथमे लेके तुमने अच्छा नही किया विनोद!

Now they'd need to give statement for cowardly act of their own Indian Citizen. तुम्हे कैसे लगेगा सुननेमे जाब हमारेही पंतप्रधान और आदरणीय साहेबां जब तुम्हारे इस घृणास्पद कृत्य की निंदा करेंगे वो भी अपने ही देसके TV Channels Reporters के सामने? पुरे देश का मानसम्मान मिट्टीमे मिला दिया. These talks are reserved from terrorists and non state actors across the border. How would they look in mirror off your cowardly act? Even death of Sarabjit and incursion of Chinamen had failed to do so. Don't you know सोये हुये को जगाना बहोत बुरी बात है?

Do you have any idea whats that gonna mean? Your act is scar on face of our peaceful country. They had to wake up and assure our neighbor that all other Convicted (Terrorists) inmates of Pakistani Origin will be well taken care off. They'd be getting Biryani from Paradise every other day. Hot and airlifted right from Paradise square. Some bollywood people would now need to make special arrangements of dance shows to these folks. Your act has already cost us wasted airlifting trip to Chandigad, had cost 2 Hawildars and a superintendent their job. How would their family live in such cruel world? Who'd pay Hafta to them knowing that they are not in service? Don't you think? Kya yehi sikha inhone? Where are moral values of non violence? Our Indian ladies send Rakhi's to brothers in Jail Inmates. That make you brother of everyone in Jail. Do brothers show such brutality?

Bad Boy Vinod - Don't you know बुरा मत सुनो बुरा मत करो बुरा मत सोचो ... What have you done?  

Now our (Dushman)Dost desh Pakistan demanded immediate release and repatriation of its national Sanaullah. They gave us Most Favored nation status and we repay them with this?

I urge my PM to send poor soul back. Let him be treated in Best of the Best medical facilities in his homeland. Lets teach world a lesson in Humanity. We should also give him compensation for getting hit from Ex-Army veteran in Jail. Indian Army should be taught to not hit persons from across the border. They are not taking any action against Chinese McManchurian hotel in DBO and attacking poor Pakistani Terrorists in Indian Jail.

भूतदया परमो धर्म:

(Satire)

McManchurian!

Here's latest update from an High Ranking Officer in Government!

Don't take Tension. Its just an authentic Chinese Manchurian and Hakka Noodles Joint Opened at destination - DaulatBeg Oldi. Some Chinese soldiers were too frustrated when they eat Paneer Manchurian at New Delhi at Republican Day Parade. Our Secretary of Eateries dept personally served them with dish, which was not really well received. Hence this authentic food joint was opened. We only received letter from Chinese late because of snail mail services in state of Himachal Pradesh which was ruled by some non congress parties till last year. Due to sheer incompetence of them and their lack of interest in infrastructure  letter delivery happened real late. (Also, we couldn't open the email). This will now be taken care by our new regime. 

Our representatives who attended meetings with various delegations also recommend various dishes like KongBomb, PakkiNoodles, BheJaPhrayy etc.  

So its our sincere request to all mango men to enjoy authentic Chinese food in this season of Mangoes. Kindly don't panic and enjoy authentic Chinese food at DBO when you next visit Ladakh!!

Like we predicted here (Read Last Line), Chinese have kept their word and they came with their own kitchen with them :)

Note from Chinese consulate - 

1. Please have passports stapled with entry permit when you visit DBO. This will ensure that you are legitimate visitor.

2. We are also planning to open few joints in Leh, Manali, Delhi etc, stay tuned!

(Satire)

च्याउ म्याऊ चायना भाऊ

सुन्नेमे आराके खुर्शीदअंकल चायना जा रे. जाव जाव अछा है. अगर आप उधर जाके गांधीगिरीसे समझानेवास्ते जारेले तो जरूर ट्राय करना. वैसे उन्हे सम्झेंगी के नही पता नही. फिरभी जानेमे कोई हर्ज नही. मामला बात से हल हो सकता है तो जरुर होना  पर जायेंगे तो एअर इंडियासे तो भी जाइयेगा. फिर उन्हे भी उडने मे मजा आवेगा।

बाकी इधर पब्लिक चायनामेड आयटम्सपे बंदी कि मांग कर्री. तो सोच मै के जर दुकान मे जाके थोडा बहोत देख तो आउ के सही में चायनाबंदी करनी पड़ी तो क्या खरीद पाएंगे? वैसे ये बंदी की खबर मै मेड इन चायनावाले लैपटॉप पे ही मेड इन चायना वाले डोंगलसे इन्टरनेटसे पता करी। है के नहीं मस्त?

बाकी काफी सारी प्लास्टिककी चीजे कई सारे इलेक्ट्रोनिक्स, मोबाइल्स, साराका सारा कंप्यूटर उद्योग और बहुत सारी मशिनरी सब चायनासे ही आता है। तो उनपे बंदी डालेंगे तो अपना क्या होगा? ये भी सोचना पड़ेगा :)


वैसे अगर सही मी जंग हुई तो क्या होगा? इस मामलेमे अपने काँग्रेसवाले तो बच जायेंगे. वो तो कुछ करेंगे ही नही. सो चायनावाले खुश होके इन्हे अपने पित्तू बनाके बैठा लेंगे. मुझे तो लग रा सलमान उधर कोई ऐसेही डील मारने के लिये जा रा। डील मारलो बाबालोग अपनी तो लगनेवाली है ही मुंबईसे नजदीक जो ठहरे ... २ ४ मिसाइल्स इधर पुऩामें भी गिर जायेंगे तो गयी भैस पानी में।

रस्तेसंस्कृती?

सीन १

एक बाइकवाला सरळरेषेत चाललाय. उजवीकडून एक स्पिरीटवाला येतो. ओव्हरटेक करतो. अन लगेच डावीकडे घुसून बाईकवाल्याला कट मारतो. बाइक चिपकते.

बिचारा बाइकवाला शिव्या खातो. कारण बाईकवाले नेहमीच वाइट्ट असतात न. 

(टिळक रोड, पुणे)

सीन २

एक स्पिरीटवाला डावीकडे घुसत घुसत पुढे सरकतो. सिग्नलवरून सगळ्यात आधी पुढे जायचं न. शेवटी एका बसला चिपकतो.

मरता मरता वाचतो! PMT वाला वाचला, पब्लिकनी धुतला नाही त्याला. 

(फातिमानगर चौक, पुणे)

सीन ३

एक वृद्ध दाम्पत्य रस्ता ओलांडतय. हळू चालताहेत. तेवढ्यात सिग्नल बदलतो अन एक कारवाला सुसाट निघतो अन जोऱ्यात होर्न देतो. ते थांबले कार गेली ते ही क्रॉसकरून गेले. 

(लालबहादुर शास्त्री रोड, पुणे)

इतके अनुभव अवघ्या २ तासात ते ही सकाळी १० च्या आधी, सकाळी सदाशिवपेठेत गेलो होतो तेव्हा. 

BRTS मधून बिनधास्त बाइक्स, कार्स घुसतात काय (?) लोक मोबाईलवरून बोलत रस्ता ओलांडतात काय, पब्लिक पूर्ण डावीकडून आडवी उजवीकडे काय घुसते ई. ई. अरे काय चाललाय काय? मामा असतांनाच सिग्नल पाळायचा का? बर हे करणार कोण? तर आपण पांढरपेशे ९ - ७ नोकरीवाले. त्यातल्या त्यात हल्ली (मगर) पट्टयात राहाण असल्यान IT वालेच जास्त दिसतात. सुशिक्षित लोकच असा वागताहेत तर काय होणार? अन हो, सध्या अर्धवट अमेरिकनांचा सावळा गोंधळ फुकटात बघायचा असेल तर रोज सकाळी १० - ११ वाजता अन संध्याकाळी ७ ते ८ दरम्यान मगरपट्ट्याच्या गेट्सवर उभा रहाव. अगदी फुकट करमणूक होईल. मोठमोठ्या गाड्या एकेका माणसाला घेऊन घासत घासत जात असतात. अरे २ ३ किलोमीटरवर राहतात अन कार घेऊन येता? बर येता तर या, किमान २ ३ जनांना तर आणा सोबत? (Carpooling - श्या Its so below standard). मान्य आहे कि आपण डीझेल पेट्रोल विकत घेऊ शकतो पण म्हणून कसाही खर्चायच? आधीच तेलाच्या प्रेमापायी रूपयानी छप्पनि गाठलीय. (अर्रे चुकलो चुकलो $ वाढला की चांदी होते न भाव) 

पायी चालणारे जीव मुठीत ठेऊन चालतात! रस्ता क्रॉस करण म्हणजे आफत असते राव ह्या २ तासात. अन फुटपाथ राहिला कोठेय, अर्धा फूटपाथ विक्रेत्यांचा अन हल्ली उरलेला बाईकवाल्यांचा असा हिशोब झालय. 

अर्थात तसेही पायी चालणाऱ्यांना बाइकवाले अन कारवाले किती भाव देतात हे आजकाल पायी चालतांना मी अनुभवतोच. LBSवर मी कारमागे होतो. त्या दोघां आज्जी आजोबांचे भाव अन डोळे फार काही सांगून गेलेत, थबकायला झालं पण मला मात्र मागच्या कारवाल्यांनी जागवला. 

हे थोड्याफार फरकानी नेहेमीच दिसत. पण तिसऱ्या सीननी फारच वाईट वाटलं म्हणून जरा लिहावस वाटतय बास. उद्या सकाळपासून पुनश्च हरिऒम! असो ट्राफीकबाबत भरपूर लिहून झालाय लोकांच, आता आपलीपण भर : D 

~ 

अनिरुद्ध 

एप्रिल १६, २०१३. 

Lucky Me!!

I got enrolled in Aadhar :P

Prior to that - I had gone to 5 6 enrollment centers to hear that its closed ... You are not citizen of particular society - get lost :O Some even went on to say ... come in July :O :O Some asked to come by date ... only to discover that these suckers played trick and center was closed 2 days before :P :P :P Ha ha ha..

Finally on Monday (11 Mar) I got enrolled in nearby place by standing 2 hours  in line. Thought I was lucky after hearing pathetic experiences of people in queue :D

And best part is ... next day (12 Mar) Aadhar team visits my society, comes to give forms to doorsteps and tells everyone to be present in club house.

Now thats what you call Luck!

Rest in peace oh dear soldier

Satirical Approach ... No offense meant. Take a chill pill and relax and if possible think how can we change?
How else a poor Indian register protest? Whatever I do that'll fall on deaf ears of Govt of India. When will we show some spine? Are we always reactionists? Don't we know that a country who doesn't respect their soldiers is doomed to die? When are we going to be so tough that incursions will stop at their own?

Akhir kab tak ye chalega ;)

Oh dear soldiers, I'm really sorry that I can't do anything from you except this token of protest. My government is spineless herd of ships.

Rest in Peace. At least you died for country and may land in heaven.

Meanwhile some usual reactions:

Honorable Madam Soniaji Gandhi: PK should stop all these ghastly acts. Congress will demand raise issue in Parliament and demand Indian Govt to ensure that these acts are not repeated in future.

Honorable PM: We strongly condemn this ghastly act. We will take matter to appropriate levels in PK.
(in PK - Aa gaya MMS! Abhi 2 mahine shanti rakho be)

Honorable Secretary of Ruling Party Rahulji Gandhi: ...

BJP Leaders Faction 1 :- Make NaMo PM in next elections and we'll stop these acts instantaneously.
BJP Leaders Faction 2 :- This govt is incompetent and PM is most spineless ever etc etc etc etc

Ex Foreign Affairs Min     :- Wow this represents another opportunity to chit chat with Madam Forign Min of Pakistan :P
Current Foreign Affairs Min:-

In Maharashtra :
  1. FSI kab badhega?
  2. Jameen khali kar yahape mera building banega ;)

Last but not least!

And One Honorable Person on India TV :  People are spreading rumors! This is all nonsense. I have credible proofs from Honorable Interior Min from Pakistan that Border Action Force of Pakistan had exhausted their Rum stocks. They were shivering. So Indian Army had invited them for Pit Stop Party. IA had Fatka Seating Ducks and BAF wanted Halal Duck. So they slaughtered a poor looking malnourished 'seating duck' and took away its head as no one from India were looking.

Meanwhile Others including me :-

   1. Lets do a candle march from Swargate to Southern Command Center
   2. Abe SBI 2500 cross kar gaya
   3. IT proofs bhare kya? Revenue stamps de na.
   4. Arrey yar fir se petrol ke daam badhenge dekh paper me aayela hai.
   5. Aalu 25 Rs per Kg?

Meanwhile in PoK -
   Batakh kha ke maaja aaya.
   One man from Hindi Chini Bhai Bhai (Actually Hindi Sautele, Paki Sage :P) - Next time hame bhi bulana. Bas saare hathiyar aur kitchen ka saaman made in china hona chahiye!